A Messy Eater

     Another thing I would like to share is that I’m a messy eater. I try to eat clean, but my hands and my mouth have mind on their own. I can’t get a spoon or a fork up to my mouth right. I guess you can say they go the wrong way in my mouth, but I can feed myself. My drooling doesn’t help, especially with I’m eating soup.
Mom and Dad used to feed me up until they got sick. I fed myself, but when they saw I needed help, they grabbed my spoon. When we had Sloppy Joe or anything I ate with my hands, they would help me. I don’t know why I can eat peanut butter and jelly sandwich by myself.
    Grabbing soft things and eating them with my hands is really messy. My brother asked me once why I don’t buy Little Debbie now. I said it was just too much work. I have to get a plate, spoon, open the cake and then eat. When Mom was alive, she fed me snacks. I loved mini Resees, and I would bring her 5, and she fed me. I would do that to anything we had. People may call me a baby, but I would eat faster if somebody fed me. Am I proud of it? NOO! I feed myself now. I won’t ask anybody for help unless I need help cutting my food. If we have a family gathering, my cousin got to a point saying, “OK, Carol, let me feed you.” She knows I will feed myself without asking for help.
     With my hands, I can eat cookies and candy by myself. The quick snack I eat mostly is dark MM’s because I pour them into a cup and pour them into my mouth.
     If I go somewhere with finger food, I will pick what I know I can handle and not messy.
     I use a spoon mostly. When we have just pizza or anything I don’t chase around, I use a folk. Using a fork and spoon takes up too much time, so I go with a spoon for everything. When I finish, you can see the food is mixed together. I can’t get a certain item on my spoon without the food going everywhere on my plate.
     It seems some of the food goes onto the table and on the floor. I tried to clean it, but I can’t pick things up in a napkin.
     Over the years, I have tried many cups to use. I can’t hold a cup. When I was little, my parents gave me something to drink when I asked for it, they put a towel under my chin and held a cup to my mouth. I used a straw in school and at the golf course. Then we found cool cups with a lid, and I could pour it into my mouth from that straw. I chew straws, so hard ones don't work for me. It seems if I don’t bite it, I don’t get anything. Well, Voc Rehab thought that it was a baby cup, so I found cups with a lid and handle, but they stopped selling those cups, or I needed a cup holder for those big cups. Then I found tumbler cups with a handle, and I have been using them for years. We take my cup everywhere. Yes, we forget my cup sometimes, but we ask for a paper cup with a lid. Using no bend straw is tough, but I can use them.

My writing

    In 2014, the Lord led me to write monthly lessons and newsletters. God moved in a mysterious way because I didn’t enjoyed writing. Writing almost cost me my high school diploma. I went to ATECH, and Mrs. Wood taught me how to love writing. Do I trust my grammar? No, but I’m enjoying what God leads me.
    I have been focusing on the lessons and the newsletters since we moved to NC. But this year. I have put writing monthly lesson on hold unless God lay it on my heart to start back. Each month, I put out a lesson that I wrote in the past. I’m keeping doing my newsletters.
    People are always impressed by what I write and ask me how I come up with a subject, and I always point upward. I want God to use me, and He guides me everything I do. Yes, I struggle a lot. It is frustrated when I can’t think how I want to set my lesson, but when I find the right things, it brings me chills because I know that it is from God. My subjects come from songs, preaching, people’s talk, or how I feel on a certain topic. But if I write on my topic, I put God in the center, and use much more Scripture. I can write a lesson in two days, but mostly, it takes 2 weeks or more. It depends on what is going, or the speed I have. I let a person edit my lesson first before I put it on my blogger.
    I write quarterly newsletters. I used to do updates on my business, but I don’t go places now, so I update on my life. I will describe how I came up with my lessons each quarter. I add holidays for the quarter. I have a prayer list. I also put inspired words in there. I email the newsletters to those who receive my weekly encouraging words, I also mail them with three lessons who don’t have Internet or request them by mail. If you would like to join my list, please email me at InspiredByGodbiz@gmail.com.

Being a speaker

    After I didn’t pass the job’s test for Blue Cross, my new counselor thought about what Dad told him with the heat press and ran with it. He said that I could give speeches and sell shirts and hats. I thought that it was crazy. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to talk about myself!!!! But Patrick pushed me like no other counselor, and Dad was even on board. I gave in, but I told Patrick that I wanted God to be the center on my business. I put everything else on hold to work on a new business’ name and write my first speech. I had a business name, but I changed it Inspired By God.
    I like to let somebody edited my things since I started writing lessons and put them online in 2009. I didn’t write every month at first. If I had to give a speech, I had written it on the computer and then I had to type it in my talker. Yes, it was more work until I found out how to transfer my writing to the talker onto a flash driver. The first speech I gave was at my church, Harmony, and the Director of Missionary came. I thought I would be afraid being in front of people, but it seemed like God was right there with me. Yes, I hit the wrong icons, but I hit speak off, turn it back on and keep going. After I spoke, I would let people ask me questions. Afterward, I sat at my table with things I was selling. I told Dad my table didn’t need to be in the church’s sanctuary. The Directory of Missionary came up to me and said that he wanted to speak at the pastors and wives retreat at the beach. I was in shock. Dad said yes when I looked at it. My town supported me, and one church asked me three times, almost fourth, but it was only time we could go to NC. I regretted that too because I enjoyed my time there. The farther I had been to speak was in Cross, SC. My last speaking engagement was 2017. I really enjoyed speaking, but I’m not a pushy person who pushes things on people, and I didn’t push my parents too much.
    When my church went to a nursing home, I spoke every other month.

Writing A Book

     In 2007, I had a book published by Publish America. I can’t remember how long it took, but that was when I had nothing to do, so I tried writing. I wanted to educate people about Cerebral Palsy. I had a pastor’s wife edited it, and I searched for a publisher. I couldn’t believe the cost, and it was too much of a risk. I didn’t take a chance back then. Then I found Publish America that worked on commission. I was paid 8% for each book that was sold. It was called “Living with Cerebral Palsy” and was 25 pages. I was thrilled that I published a book. When I saw the price of the book, I felt ashamed. It was $17! It was on Amazon. My brother told me to write some tv talk show hosts. I wrote Oprah Winfrey, and he wrote Ellen DeGeneres, but they didn’t reach out to me. When I gave speeches, I sold my book. A few years back, Publish America discontinued my book.
     Since my book was discontinued, I have been planning to write another book, but my mind always finds other things to do. I finally made up my mind in August 2023 to start writing a book. It wasn’t going too well, so I decided to stop writing a monthly lesson. In 2024, I started sharing my lessons from the past each month. People think I only watch tv and play. I want to tell them, “You’re so wrong”, but I just smile. I work on other projects, and I have daily things to do. I tried to schedule writing, but it didn’t help. Sometimes, I get too busy to write. When I have time to write, I get writer block! I get upset at myself.
     I didn’t like 25 pages book, so I’m trying to make this book more detail about my life. My plan is to let people to see how God works in my life. I’m nothing without God!
     My mind set is to finish this book, but I should look at this as when God says it’s time, it’s time!

My business

    I don’t know if you can call 2009 a dark year for me or not, but I was worried about a job. I want to move on with my life, but I couldn’t. When I accepted Christ in 1996, I started making birthdays and anniversaries cards for everybody, and it felt I was doing something because people like them. I told them it was not my design. It was just a program with clipart (designs). A lady always wanted me to sell them, but it didn’t feel right. We had an interim pastor in 2009, and I asked to see if he knew any job that I can do because I needed a job. He was like I could make shirts with clipart because I had talent. He let me borrow his heat press. I tried Carol’s business for a while. A few years later, Dad brought me a nice heat press, and I wanted to make God the center of it. My cousin suggested to call my business Inspired By God, and I loved that idea. We could make shirts, hats and more things. We tried cups, but it didn’t work on the cups that I ordered, so we only did shirts and hats. I went Vol Rehab school and self-taught myself how to design my own designs. Dad let nobody use the press. I made the design and print, and he pressed them onto the shirts. My church was very supportive because I did all the Bible School shirts. A store brought some shirts. Also, we sold items after my speeches. After Dad died, I sold the press because we hadn’t use it since we moved, and it was too hot for me to handle. Anyway, my shirts were old school compared to the Cricut. I can’t cut, and I don’t see to buy it and let other people do the work. Now, I’m just selling items that I can do on my own. I can make wall pictures, greeting cards, business cards, make pictures on DVDs, copy CDs and fix pictures. I even got my first book on my website. My book will be another different post. I have a website that I designed by myself; www.InspiredByGod.biz.

Do I Get Sad?

      People always said, “You always smiling!” When I’m around people, I get so much joy. When I play with kids, I enjoy it because I love kids, and maybe they can grow up with respect to people who are different.
      But I want to point out something that you may not know. I do get sad. That is why I like to keep busy. I keep thinking of things to do. During Mom’s funeral, my aunt told me to relax, but I needed to get the house ready for guests.
      Yes, I can be depressed, but I try to fight the devil off. After Dad died, I just went through everything physically but mentally I was tired. I wasn’t me, but I had to fight for my strength to regain. I had to remained focused on God and prayed. I regained my strength and am doing what I love.
      With Mom death, I felt different. I guess losing the first parent is rougher. Mom had prepared me, but you won’t get prepared to lose someone at any time. During the day, I will cry.
      I avoid crying in public because once I start, I can't control how loudly I cry.
      Yes, I get upset. If people push too far, I’ll let them hold it.
      Sorry, but I’m going to teach here. We’re all humans. Jesus was perfect, but He got sad and angry. We can feel sad, hurt or angry, but it shouldn’t run our lives. Jesus was tempted. He always referred to scripture to get rid of the devil. The devil loves when we are sad. When I can’t go on, I’ll go to God, and He gives me strength. I’m nothing without God. Just trust God to get the joy in you, and your life will change.

Do I have a dog or a cat?

    A good question was brought up, and people always ask us this question, do I want a dog or a cat? I love dogs and cats, but personally, I don’t want any in my condition. If they stay in the house, I need to wash them. I have to feed them and take them to the vet. Can I do any of that? No and it is not right for somebody else to take care of it and bond with it.
    When we stayed with our neighbors for seven weeks after Hugo, she had a Chihuahua, Chico. We loved and spoiled Chico. He hated bear feet. He started barking who had bear feet, but I could crawl without socks. I loved rubbing him and played with him. He had a toy dog, and he would bring it to me so I could take it away. He never tried to bite me. He knew me. At four in the morning, Dad would take him outside when he left. At night, we gave him peppermint candy. Every time Chico heard the breaking of candy, he flew and started turning around in circles until we gave him candy. Dad taught him that trick, or I may do. At the table, he knew I would drop my food, and if I didn’t, he knew turned around would made me drop food. He knew how I was with him.
      A dog just show up at my Granddaddy's days or weeks after MaMa died, and he lived with Granddaddy. Fred was friendly. I guess it was after Granddaddy died, my cousin took him in, we came home. Fred came in as we were eating. I dropped a nugget for him. After I finished, I was going to pick the nugget up, and he snipped at me. I didn’t think anything of it because that was his nugget. Later on, he got old with arthritis and bad eyesight, and unfortunately, he bit her, and he had to be put down.  
    Yes, a serve dog will help, but I prefer not to have a dog.

My parents

     I know I have already written about my parents, but I want to tell you how they treated me. I wasn’t a closet child. If they went somewhere, they didn’t call a babysitter. They could have lost great friends over their belief. Dad told a person, “If she doesn’t go out to eat with us, we won’t go.” I guess that person changed his mind because I grew up with the family. When my parents told me that, I respected my parents. Yes, when I got to stay by myself, I tried to let them go out to eat, but Mom always said, “If you are not going, we won’t. You want to go out too.”
    They let me spend a night with a friend many nights. They knew the family, and Alyson became a good friend to me. I always had fun staying with them. When we came to NC, my cousin, Barbara, spent a night with me at Granny’s or my aunt would get me to take me to their house. I love going there!
     They let me go places reasonably. A classmate was having her 16th birthday party, and she invited me! She told my parents to stay! I knew right then she was awesome, and she is my BFF!!!!!!!! They took me to my proms, class reunions and a social. When it was time for my class social, I didn’t want to go because Dad was recovering from heart surgery, but he was willing to take me.
     They helped me with my homework. Some nights were rough because they helped put up golf carts, and the golfers came in after pure dark. We had arguments about doing homework late. They wanted me to do well in school, and they helped me, but some nights, it was after 9:00, and I probably had two hours of work to do. I tried to do what I could at the golf course, but nobody could read my writing.
     But we probably spent our family time at the golf course. Mom helped Dad with the golf carts, and we went out to look for golf balls. Dad worked at the golf course on his days off. We ate dinner when Mom got off work at 4 or went somewhere at 6. When Dad worked at Kendell, Mom cooked at home.
     Around 1999, we decided paying rent was a waste whereas paying for our own land, but the toughest part was decided to stay close or move to NC. For me, I didn’t want to move to NC. I was in Voc Rehab trying to get a job, and I met close friends. I was happy with my life. Our friend called Dad to the table one night and said she can sell two acres to him for a good deal if we decide to stay. Dad said she could get her lawyer and draw everything up. My brother came and helped us move a mile away. I stayed out of school for a week to help with the move and see my brother.
     My dad worked four days on and four days off, so we spent more time together. When Dad died, I told Mom how sorry I was that I didn’t spend a lot with her. She understood I was Daddy’s girl, and he took me everywhere with him. Mom didn’t like shopping, so Dad and I shopped. When I was in high school, he took me to Hardee’s before school. He took me to my appointments unless I needed Mom in some matter. When he had an appointment in Columbia, he took me, and we ate. He took me out golfing when he knew I was stressed.
       We took trips. We camped when I was younger. I have mixed feelings about that because Mom didn’t have room to do everything for me in a tiny space. I loved sitting outside just talking. Once we just left home and stopped when we got tired. We found a great campsite in Virginia. After a while, we retired from the camper and started renting motels on a trip. We loved Pigeon Forge! We went there most of the time. We went to Nashville twice. When my brother lived in Virginia Beach, we went there. It was cool to see Navy ships. When he and Skip moved to Florida, we went there a few times and to many theme parks.
      We went to all of the gospel singing that wasn't far and not on Sunday. Our favorite were Triumphant Quartet and Guy Penrod.
Going to the evaluation center in West Columbia was rough on my parents. Leaving me the first time was the hardest. I didn’t know Mrs. Ruth, but when my parents left, she was there and took my mind off them leaving. My parents didn’t let a day go by without calling me. They came during the week and visited.
      When we went to Wal-Mart, Dad said, “OK, go. I’ll going to be in sporting section.” No, I didn’t have a phone, but he trusted me. When I got a cell phone, I called him, and he told me where they were. When we finished shopping and went to eat, they let me ride the wheelchair to Zaxby because it was in the same parking lot.
      I probably disappointed my parents once if you can say that. It was my parents’ anniversary, and I wanted to get them a gift. I was at the Voc Rehab Training Center, and I told my friend what I like to do. She asked somebody if she would borrow his car. So, three of the girls got ready, and a guy said he would play video games in the mall while we were shopping. It was a great time going to the mall and riding around. When I came home that weekend, my parents talked to me. I was like OK. Voc Rehab was going to take us to the fair, and nobody wanted to go except Rob, and I really wanted to go. I begged anybody to go with us, but they told me to go. I went and we had a great time, but I knew I would get it when I got home. You know what? They were happy for me and didn’t fuss. Know that respect! For that moment, I felt that they trusted me.
      After Dad died, I was thankful that Mom and I got close. We still have disagreements, but I learned just drop it. We did things together. When she saw something, like a bear, she rubbed it on me and threw it in the cart. She gave in and went to Wal-Mart so I could have a Christmas bear or their family. We talked more about my life after she die, and I tried to assure her I would be fine.
      I’m thankful I could help my parents. I was their bookkeeper and looked after their appointments and their medicines. When they got sick, I was right there helping. Except during COVID, I stayed in the hospital with them. Yes, people got onto me, but I stayed with them. When they were dying, I was right with them. You may ask how. We were close, and they relied on me to understand what was going on. But I don’t want to take the credit. God gave me everything to helped them like they have done for me. I’m always will be grateful for God gave me my parents.
      I love you and miss you so much, Dad and Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brothers

     Our parents always said they raised two sets of family because my brother is 12 years older than me. He was out of the house when I got old enough to fuss and fight, but I imagine we made up for it over the years especially when email came along. No, I remember I mailed him one and got somebody else mail. I have mentioned I will do anything to get my point across. Every time we see each other, we love to hit and tell Mom. I think she got a kick out of that. But, as we grew older and texting came out, we grew closer. When something happened, I texted Willie, and he would help. When our parents were sick, I texted him.
     We thought we were always stay in SC, but one Christmas Willie and Skip popped up and said, “We are moving to NC, and you all are too.” Dad didn’t argue, and my life was the same as it has been, so I said OK. Mom was trill. Willie and Skip moved in February, and unexpectedly we moved in August than December because our trailer sold within two weeks. Willie, Skip and the rest of the family had to work fast to make Granddaddy’s livable until the houses were built. They put in a new shower so I can take a shower for myself. Willie brought a lower bed for me.
     When they were doing our house, Willie and Skip picked mostly did everything that would be easier for us. They requested space under the countertop for a microwave. They requested two walk-in showers. After the house was done, Willie and Skip put in another clothes rack so I could reach my clothes.
      Everyday Willie came over to check on us. We ate together some nights.
     While Dad dying, he and Skip made all the funeral arrangements. Then, he looked after Mom and me.
     When Mom was in the hospital, he made sure I was eating. He came each other day and took me home for a shower and reloaded my bag. After Mom was put in ICU, he and I stayed with her and came home each night while our aunt stayed with Mom. In every decision about Mom, we talked it out. When it was time, we both agreed Mom was ready to be with Dad.
     Since Mom died, Willie have been there for me. His off days are on Wednesdays, and we go to Cracker Barrel and run errors we have for the week. He takes me for groceries shopping. He always picks me up to put me in the van and will get me out regardless of what I say. When we are just by ourselves, we talk. That is so special to me.
     He usually brings me supper. We have a schedule, so he doesn't have to call me to ask me. Monday, I have KFC and Friday is Burge King. Tuesday nights and Saturday nights, Willie, Skip, and Aunt Allice eat over here unless they have Saturday plans. If so, I pick something, Sunday nights I get Wendy.
     He, Skip and I decided to clean the house so we can handle things better. I moved into the master bedroom so I could have a bathroom to myself. We put pictures on the wall, changed the kitchen and cleaned up. People might say that we got rid of your parents. No, we didn’t. They would be proud of how we rearranged the house. We kept things that were special to them.
     Willie is always amazing when I go to the dentist. They let him stay with me. He held onto my leg, and he could feel me when I needed a break.
      Skip drops me off Sunday morning at church and picks me up afterward. When he brings me home, he warms my food and sets everything up. When Willie can’t get super, Skip will,
     I love you, Willie and Skip!!

How do I get up from my knees?

     I always could lift myself. My arms can hold my weight if I move fast. I will pull up on things. By my strength, I have to hold onto something steady. If I think something is not steady, I will think of another way to get up. After breaking my hand, my friend gave me a stepping stool for brushing my teeth, which makes me feel safer. Yes, some days my body doesn't work right, but I'll figure a way to lift myself.
     For three years, Mom wanted to tried sitting Dad lift chair. I didn’t even try because I thought I couldn’t get up. I was about to rearrange the living room so I could sit on the couch to watch TV because I was getting tired of sitting on the floor. I tried Dad’s lift chair, and I love it. If Mom would see me now, she would be like, “See, I know that you would like it.”
     When Dad was able, he would lift me. Dad used to carry me like a sack of potatoes as he told me. He would tote me around until I got too heavy and then he only toted me into places I wanted to crawl. I was probably in my 30’s when he didn’t pick me up as much, but he would pick me up when we were late, or it was raining.
     I guess it was when Dad started having skin cancers removed, I started lifting myself in the van or in the truck. Thank God for handlebars and a step on the truck. I pulled up off my knees from an old jacket that I crawled in on the ramp and grabbed the bar and got in my seat. Dad or Mom stood behind me if case. Then after his friend and his got into a wreck, I got better, and it became second nature to me with our minivan. When Dad drove the truck, he would push me up.
     Mom couldn’t lift me after I was too tall for her. I’m dead weight, so it was hard for her. After Dad got sick, Mom and I worked to make it work. When I was getting out of the van, Mom grabbed my arm, and I held on to the van’s handlebar until I felt myself in the wheelchair. Only once did I fall. I was having a rough time with my left arm. When I was getting out, Mom grabbed me, but my arm shot with pain, and my hand opening automatic, and I fell. It was by the grace of God I didn’t hit my head on the cement, and a man helped us to get me into the wheelchair. It just felt like God’s hands was on me, and He was laying me down on the cement because I didn’t fall hard.

Shriner Hospital

    I started going to Shriners Hospital in Greenville, SC on September 1, 1981. Shriners Children's is a network of non-profit medical facilities across North America. They help children under the age of 18. They provide the highest quality care to children with neuromusculoskeletal conditions, burn injuries and other special healthcare needs within a compassionate, family-centered and collaborative care environment.
    My appointments were every six months. I don’t remember much about my childhood, but I can remember the first appointment we went to. A Shriner’s mason drove us to the hospital. We were in church then, and the pastor went with us. Then my parents took me after the first appointment. We could have done a day trip, but my parents thought it would be better to spend a night in the hotel and go to my appointment the next morning. They wanted me to keep me happy because I always get scared when it was time for my appointment. We ate at Krispy Kreme before we headed for the hospital. I think we went shopping after my appointment because I remembered a toy picnic set that I loved.
    The people were outstanding every time, but it just was too scary to see what the outcome would be for every appointment. I was terrified to see if they would do surgery to help me walk. Once a doctor suggested having an operation and cut my hamstrings in the back of my knees so I could walk, but my parents didn’t want to risk when I could do by crawling.
    Shriner helped my family and me abundance during of going there. The most I’m grateful for was when a doctor told my parents to train me to be independent and to have a normal life. The doctor gave the best advice because my parents made me independent. Every check-up I had was a different doctor. They did x-ray most of the time, evaluated me by trying to straight my legs and bend everything they could. They put me in braces to strengthen my legs and my hips. They were a nightmare, especially when I had to sleep in them. When I see somebody wearing a leg brace now, I feel irritated inside because I know what they are dealing with. My first leg braces were horrible! Writing this, I can still feel the pain I had to put up with until my parents had pity for me. The brace was all metal that started at my hips and went to my shoes. My knees locked down to help strengthen my legs. I was supposed to wear them all the time, but I didn’t. I wore them at night locked down, and it was very painful. Dad or Mom would have to get up in the middle of night and take them off so I could sleep. Years later, the doctor put me in leg braces, which go up to below the knees. I think they wanted to focus  on strengthening my ankles. I still had to sleep in my full braces, but Dad or Mom came in the middle of night so I could sleep. Two years before I left Shriner, they put me in AFO braces. I don’t know why, but I called them UFO. I think AFO and UFO sounded alike, and it took me a while to call them AFO. I can still remember how they made the AFO. They wrapped each of my feet unto to below the knee with plaster. We had to let it dry, and they saw the cast off. In my mind, I said, “Man, don’t cut me!” But he was easy, and everybody kept me calm. I like AFO braces better because I wear normal shoes. When I went to the daycare, my braces came off as soon I got there. When I left Shriner, I didn’t wear braces anymore!

    If you ask me if I would help Shrine? My answer would be of course! They work with kids, and I have been there. 

My sensitive ears

     Have you ever heard an expression that when a body part is lacking, another part takes over? I may didn’t wording it right. Most of my body parts don’t work properly, but my ears should do. Dad loved to tell everybody that I would be in my room with tv on and they could talk with the living room tv on, and I would know what they were talking about. I can’t help it if I have sensitive ears. At night, if I heard them, I would go and check on them. No, we wouldn’t close bedroom doors unless my brother came home.
     I have grown out from my sensitive ears about 80%. Kids love loud noise, but I ran from them and cried. I didn’t like fire trucks, fire drills, get the hallway when school had a tornado warning and fire alarm sounded, fireworks and so forth. Dad was in the fire department, and I didn’t play on the trucks with other kids. I didn’t like turkey shoot. Dad would buy fireworks for the family, and I stayed in the house missing all the fun. We didn’t go to parades. I had a chance to walk in Camden parade with my DARE class, but we were lining up behind a fire truck, Dad took me away. My nerves couldn’t take it.
     Thank God for earphones. I wore them a lot! We did many things with my ears covered, and I enjoyed everything. I wore them when we used to go to singing events. The more singing events we attended, the less I wore them. In my 40’s, I was in parades, but the fire trucks were up from us, and we played music.
     I still have a problem with balloons. They didn’t do anything, but if I see balloons, my nerves get the best of me. If people start talking, I know the pop won’t be loud, and I won’t cry.
     Suddenly a loud pop will put me into a panic. My nerves get the best of me, and I will put my fingers in my ears to avoid making a fool of myself. If somebody doesn’t try to calm me down, I can get back in control. If somebody sees me getting upset, please give me time to get it together before speaking to me.
     If there is any noise, I will hear it. If I hear odd noise, I'll look for it or tell somebody.

My Independent

      I'm very independent or some will say hardheaded. My parents always encouraged me to try anything on my own if it was reasonable.
     At home, I crawl on my knees. I only use my wheelchair when I’m outside or in public. I can do more things on my knees. People can’t believe I can crawl on my knees, but I’m used to it. My knees hurt, and I will tumble, but I’m happy on my knees. When I’m on my knees, I feel more freedom. I can do anything by myself. I make my bed, brush my teeth, dress myself, do housework, work on the computer, design pictures, take a shower and cook in the microwave. The microwave has been down low for me since I learned how to work it. It will take time, but I can try to do everything by myself. I’m unsure about a few things that I won’t attempt, like the stove and driving. People tell me that I can drive, and I wish badly that I could, but I don’t trust my body. I know there are things to help me drive, but what happens if my arms lock up or I hammer the gas? Or what happens if I need to stop instantly, but my body does the opposite, and I kill someone or myself? That is way too risky!!!!! Yes, I can drive my wheelchair and a golf cart, but I stayed far from the edge. Dad always let me drive the golf cart when he was playing golf or looking for golf balls. If we saw nobody on the hole, he told me to ride the fairway. It felt relaxing.
     I don't wear kneepads because I drag my knees and pads won't stay on my knees. It felt like I was wasting time if I wanted to get somewhere than try to get the kneepad back on right. Yes, my knees hurt if I’m on them too much.
     Yes, I push myself, but I don’t want to feel depressed. I know I have God, and He gives me the strength to keep going. I will stop working by 7:00 p.m. to relax. I’ll text my two aunts, and then I will watch tv.
      I have been trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together for a few years. Half of the time I want to give up, but that will mean I failed, and we brought a puzzle and a table for nothing. I really want to finish and hang it up for Mom’s sake. No, I won’t allow anybody to help because with my hands, if I mess it up, I can deal with it better than messing up somebody else work. Mom respected me, but she loved to touch a piece so I would tell her no. She used to help me when I told her to move some pieces for me.

Vocational Rehabilitation

     VR, to me, short for SC Vocational Rehabilitation. They help disabilities people become employ. A person needs a counselor in their county. I think determination is the key to a person who is willing to work. They may go to their evaluation center and then may go to the training center.
     I had probably 5 counselors during my 11 years with them. When my last counselor told me he was leaving, I told him to close my case because I was done. He provided tremendous support, and I felt exhausted at the thought of finding a new counselor and starting all over again. He really saw my frustrations. All of my counselors were determined to get me a job, but I had enough. The last counselors pushed me to work for myself, and I did well for a few years.
I changed to be just disabled person to disable person living a value life because of VR and the people I met there. Also, it was the first time that I was my own person and tried to live a new Christian life.
I started VR after I turned 18. Dad knew my first counselor, so he gave us some insight on how they did base things. I didn’t work in the back, where people worked, but he sent me to West Columbia to the evaluation center. Boy, it was an eye opened for a girl who had never been away from her parents except for a night in a blue moon. My parents took me on Sunday and picked me up on Friday. They called me every night, and on Tuesday nights, they visited me. The first morning was rough because I never had blood work done, but the head nurse talked with me, and they took blood. That was so embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody was scared to give me a TB shot. I was like, “OK, my craziest is gone.”
     A new group came in every week, and they stayed at least four weeks, and maybe more depend on their testing. Each room accommodates two guests, and two rooms share an adjoining bathroom. My room was joined by the doctor’s room, so my bathroom didn’t have people in there. I think I had an entire room for two weeks, and Faye came in. We got along well and became friends but eventually lost contact.
     Each day, we evaluated which skills we excelled at through regular testing. The group was together for only two hours, and the rest of the time we went different ways. You know your schedule that day, or the week, and it would change fast. If I didn’t look, I would go one thing, and I had to get back on track and be late. It made me ill, especially when I had to dress for swimming. We had gym, swimming, pt and group time up the hill. Yes, we had to go in the weather unless it was stormy. We ate three meals or peanut butter and jelly. I tried to eat everything, but China wasn’t for me. At night we got a snack. After 5:00, we stopped working. We could go to the gym or swim, go for a walk or leave, but we had to sign out. At that time, an employer lets clients go to his church on Wednesday nights. I enjoyed it. We had dinner, and a message. A man came around offered cinnamon rolls, and they were great. I heard years later that a client messed up, and they stopped going to church. I really missed it when I went back to VR for the third time.
     I did my tests on a computer in another room. That was the longest hour each day for me. The counselor there saw my determination and asked me to stay for another two weeks. I think I met Jeff at the training center to see if I could take a class because I could do math great. I went home, and they worked on a pilot class for bookkeeping for me.
     The VR training center was like job experience. Buying clothes beforehand didn’t work. I had a meeting with Jeff about things, and when he said dress professionally. I thought, “Oh my!” I’m thinking that was the time when Dad just told me no more dressing because he couldn’t handle me in a dress, so I wore pantsuits to church. Then I cleaned all of my dressing out, so I didn’t have a dress. I asked Jeff were pantsuits ok, and he said yes. Needless to say, I had to go back shopping that weekend so I could have dressy clothes for a week because Mom still wanted to wash my clothes for me. Anyway, the training center just had four classes, and they last 6-9 months. My class was in the library, which wasn’t bad. My teacher, Angela, came for a few hours, and I worked by myself the rest of the time. School was from 9 until 5, and we took 15 minutes breaks and an hour for lunch. We had a group meeting every Mondays. We talked and pointed out what we needed in the dorm, or if they saw something, they would want us to do better. We had a room check every week. We had a section about the workforce every Monday. Of course, we cut up in there especially the first group.
     Back to my class. I was taught manual accounting, QuickBooks program, Preachtree program, write business letters, business law and make a fake business plan. While I was doing that, Angela helped me with my appearance, cooked in a microwave and how to work on the computer better, like using a keyguard on my keyboard and a joystick mouse.
    When I was ready to get a job, we worked on my resume and practiced interviews. I sent many resumes out and did a couple of interviews, but nobody hired me when I couldn’t answer the phone. Then everybody noticed that my writing skills were not at the right level. When Angela worked on my writing skills, I moved back home still seeking a job. No, I didn’t waste my time there! They helped more than getting a job. It is not VR fault that nobody would give me a foot into the door. I learned so much from VR. If it wasn’t from VR, I wouldn’t be able manage my life by myself. At least, I can handle my personal things better with my training in accounting.
     The training center’s dorm was where people stayed if they didn’t live close by or couldn’t drive. We had 18 rooms and three in a section. The middle room had 2 beds in there. It was full at one time, and I can remember it was just 5. Our rooms had to be clean and everything in the dorm. Yes, I cleaned my room until Dad and Mom wanted to do it. I think they wanted to stay with me as long as they could. I had an end room in front of the nurse station. We had one nurse mostly at night and half the time in the morning. There was a kitchen without a stove, and a dining room with TV and a couch. We ate down the hill at the evaluation cent, in the dorm or go out. We were assigned shelves for our food, and we had to label our food. VR stocked bread and basic things to eat. We had phones in our rooms. We could bring a TV to watch in our room.
     God put the right group for me. Actually, with two groups because I was there almost two years. When we first walked in the dorm, car racing was on, and Mary was right there, and she was fun to get to know. I fell in love with everybody. It didn’t take long for people to start joking with me because two people I met at the evaluation center told everybody else about me. We seemed like we were family. At first. I hung out with the wrong girl. We were joking about a guy who was looking at us. When Rob saw me without that lady and told me about her, I was like, “YIKE!” For then on, I knew Rob had my back. We had a brother and sister relationship. We joked, hit, fought, and talked. When he put ice down my back, I put him in the corner. He might have regretted that he taught me to stand up for myself. LOL! But everybody seemed like one family. We didn’t get each other way. We hung out at night and normally outside because of half smoke. I don’t know who thought of it, but we had a train going down and up the hill when we ate. Electric wheelchairs pull manual chairs. We raced too!
      Everybody helped me. I only had to get my drink or food by myself a few times. If I went to wash, somebody would go with me regardless of what I say. I wouldn’t go down to wash today if you pay me where we had to wash at. Yes, it was scary then, but I wanted to prove things then. If I had trouble with my accounting, a person would help me. We had moments when we stayed in our room or just went out. I went out once with a group, and my parents had a talk with me. Then VR was willing to take clients to the fair, but nobody wanted to go except two of us. I told everybody I just couldn’t go with Rob, but I was talked into it and had a ball. Rob wasn’t afraid to go around people, so he led instead of me pulling him. Yes, I was worried about my parents’ reaction, but that weekend they didn’t seem upset. I figured they knew I could do my thing. I saw them in a new light.
      The next group came, and we had fun. I was the only girl for Valentine, and they surprised me with flower and things. When I was going to leave, they gave me a party.
      Do I keep in touch with anybody? A few had died that I kept in touch. One family let me know, one I found out six months later on Facebook. That tore me up because his family knew we were close, but I knew how they were. Frank and I would write and call. He would visit my house if possible, and he attended Dad's surgeries in Columbia. I talked with Rob a lot, and I called the day of his death. It broke my heart when his wife told me. I reconnected with a few VR friends on Facebook.
     I went back to VR evaluation center in 2004, but I only remembered one thing. I don’t remember why I went back, and I threw all my paperwork away. But I got depressed when they told me that I needed to stay an extra two weeks because I needed to improve my writing. I was glad nobody was outside because I didn’t want anybody to see me like that. I was so frustrated with myself and felt like people were wasting their time on me. After a few minutes, I thought I could go up the hill and talk with Cathie. She still took time with me when she saw me. She assured me they weren't wasting time and would work with me as long as needed.
     For the next two weeks, I spent half the day at the evaluation center, and I went to the training center for half day to work on my accounting skills. Then, last week there, I worked in the mail room for two hours a day. It was cool to put the envelope in the machine to stamp them. Of course, the envelopes would get hung in the machine, but it was cool to see how a mailroom worked.
      My counselor wanted me to take a class to improve my writing skill, so I took WorkKey at ATEC. My dad took me to class with my keyboard and joystick mouse for two weeks for half days. I was testing on the first day to see what my skills levels were at. They were low, even in math. I had to work on the computer by myself most of the time, but when Mrs. Wood came to teach me, I enjoyed her. She made reading and writing fun. During my last week, my counselor tested me. Thanks to him, he gave me double time for two tests. I barely passed the reading part.
      Months later, VR canceled math class that I was supposed to take to improve my skill. He said I could go by to ATEC, but I had to pay for it. I don’t see going and paying when I could do math. I always have been good at math.
      I went back to the training center in 2012 because my counselor thought I could do better than do clip art for my business. He told me I should design my own art. It was for a few months, and it was a self-taught course, but I could ask Cathy for help, which I did a lot. I learned Corel PaintShop, PowerPoint, Windows Moviemaking and business writing. I took a week off because we had plans to go to the mountains and see Triumphant for their 10 anniversaries. However, I appreciated gaining new insights into design and photography that I never thought I could achieve. I cleaned the stretch, changed the color, changed the background and so much more. My final project I had to design a picture, so I decided to do a picture of my mom's family. It looked like a house with grandparents for the door and their children with their spouse for the windows. Of course, I finished it at home after they bought me the program for my computer. I still use the program for cards, wall pictures and church’s flyers. I even used it for my family. If I don’t like it, I’ll start over again.
       It was boring at first in the dorm because I was thinking of my VR friends. I saw everything we did together. I finally talked to somebody. Two weeks later, office class started, and one of them stayed in the dorm. Pat was sewing a quilt and I watched her and talked. We liked the same things, and we both joined by the hips, as the saying goes. Her class adopted me. We ate together and walked together. Barbara had a cerebral palsy grandson, so we had a good conversation about that. We loved to joke around about anything. I don’t know why but we acted like sisters. One girl was quiet, but she enjoyed laughing at us. Then Pat got an idea started a weekly Bible study at night. I said I can’t write a lesson a week, but I had old lessons in my talker that I spoke at the nursing home, and she liked that idea. We had a Bible study every week down the hill so everyone could go. I think Pat continued it after I left. Once, I don’t remember if music was playing, but we started dancing around. If you see Pat and me together, you know it was going to be fun. For Halloween, she wanted to dress up. I hadn’t dressed up since I was a kid, but I went along. We both watched LaVern and Shirley, so we dressed like them. I bought a shirt that I had, and she did the same and she put a S on mine and L on her. We wore scarves. Then we went everywhere, and they gave us candy. We had so much fun.

My schooling

     I started going to school in 1982 and finished in 1996. I think disable person can go to the age of 21, but I had a different situation. I was in Special ED until a teacher saw my BFF and I should go to regular classes. So, we tried one class. I started in 4th grade, and I can remember crawling to class with a wagon! Because I couldn't write, I had a tape recorder for notes, and I took tests in Special ED so somebody could write my answers down, and they had to write my answer if it was wrong. I can't remember if I had one or two classes in the 5th grade, but by the 6th, I was in Special ED in the morning and rode the bus to Camden Middle to take classes. By then Ms. Belton took the job helping me, and she stayed when I graduated! Ms. Belton was a teacher assistant in Special ED, and she was hired full time when I was mainstream. We grew into a mother and daughter relations, and we still talk today. By the 8th grade through the 12th, I only went to regular classes. Most of the teachers were great and understanding. The students treated me like another person. I wasn't picked on, and if I did, some classmate would stand up for me, especially another BFF. I went to a birthday party and both of my proms. Getting to graduate was VERY hard with passing the exit exam. I got good grades to pass, but I couldn't pass the writing part. With my fourth and my last shot, I PASSED!!!!!!!!!! Most of my family came to my graduation. My Granny was sick, but I made a point to dress up when we saw her, and she was proud. Sorry if I'm bragging, but I graduated with an B average. That night of graduation, Dad was putting me in the van, and we forgot about the wheelchair's legs! I couldn't wear my slip-on shoes without my footrest. I was really anxious because if we hadn't followed the required dress code, we wouldn't have been able to graduate. I hid my feet under the wheelchair and prayed!!!!!!!!!! I got by with it!

What Keeps Me Going?

     People have been amazed how I keep going after my mom passed. Yes, I miss Dad and Mom beyond what you can imagine. I even have moments of crying, but I know that they don't want me to give up. I was talking with my Aunt Jo, and she said something that stood out. Dad and Mom prepared me well to keep going on after they passed. No, it is not easy, but like the Apostle Paul, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
     My faith is what keeps me going. My family stopped going to church when I was younger. After my Mama died, I won’t never forget what Granddaddy did. He came to me outside of the church and said, “Mama is in heaven, and we are going to see her again.” I began to be curious about that, so I began to read the Bible. Ms. Belton told me about her church and her faith. Then my friends told me about the magazine called “Open Window “, which let you read the Bible in one year. I enjoyed reading it. Every time we went by the church where we had been to, I pointed. Dad finally stopped Sunday golfing, and we started going to church. I rode down the aisle the next Sunday. I was baptized in a baptism too. Dad walked me up to the steps, and I grabbed the baptism window. I didn’t realize that I had to let go when the preacher began to baptize me, but he finally baptized me.
     When God told me the word “missionary” I was like, “Did You mess up? I can’t even drive, I can’t even go overseas, and I can’t talk.” I firmly believe it was God because nobody was there in the house, and it didn’t sound like scanner talking. Then a pastor preached about Paul called to be missionary. I had Kershaw Baptist Association worked with me to help me with missionaries who I could email.
     I did that for a while and then God led me to take an English course to improve my writing skills. Then I started writing monthly lessons. Shocked me because I didn’t do well in school when I had to write. I’m living proof that God can use anyone.
     Also, God led me to run my own business. When I started Inspired By God, somebody suggested speaking in public. At first, I wasn’t set on that idea, but I started to feel that I could make a difference in people’s life by speaking on what God did for me, and I wanted to make everybody aware of CP. I enjoyed speaking and talking with people afterward. Kids were amazing to watch because they were focusing. I really miss speaking, but I decided to put speaking in the past after Dad got sick. When Dad died in June 2020, I also decided to stop making shirts and hats because Dad only worked the heat press. Now I’m focusing on sharing God’s word in my writing and my wall pictures. God put in my heart to be a missionary, and He leads me in everything I do.

What caused my Cerebral Palsy?

     Each Cerebral Palsy is different. Let me tell you about what happened to me after I was born. I stopped breathing for about two or three minutes. After I started breathing again, I acted like a normal baby until I didn’t start walking nor talking clearly. My parents didn’t understand what was going on with me, and Willie was scared. The doctors conducted multiple tests to determine what was wrong. I was about five years old when I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.
      

Wheelchairs

     I still can remember my first wheelchair. I was little, about 5, and I had PT, and we were waiting, and they pushed it to the hallway. Then I got my red one in or before 1988 because there is a picture of me sitting in it at MaMa's gravesite. With my brother dressed in his uniform, it had to been in 1988. I think I picked out red for gamecock. Then, a motorcycle group helped us to get a used electric chair. I loved that chair and could control it well, but it was too big for me. In middle school, I got a new wheelchair that fitted me. Remember, I was a teenager and wanted to be cool, so I got a pink wheelchair. Boy, it could fly, and they programmed for low speed. We tried it once to see how long it would last, and it went around 18 holds at White Pine Golf Course, if I remember right. That was a memorable chair because important things happened within that chair. I danced at my proms. I graduated from high school. My parents and I started going to church. I rode down to accepted Christ. I went to Columbia Voc Rehab in it. I raced in it or pulled other chairs with it. Somehow, I figured a pink chair wasn't for a job, so I wanted another chair. A man gave me his father's Scooter chair, and I used it until 2011 when my counselor tried to get me everything for my business. I got a Scooter, which I have now for church. My red chair was hard to push, so I started looking and talking with our doctor. She wrote a prescription, and it took a while, but I got a purple chair before Dad got so sick. In 2023, I saw an advertisement for electric chair on tv that Mom may handle for the van, and we ordered it. It was too heavy for Mom, so I rode around the driveway. We made it a point to go outside daily. I felt like a kid riding a bike and Mom sat watching. We used the purple chair when we went somewhere. Mom and I had a hard time shopping, but we made it with everything in my lap or I tried to push a cart while she pushed me. I tried to let her go shopping by herself, but she wanted me to go because she knew I wanted to go out. Now, my brother can handle the electric chair, and we take it everywhere. It is so much easier.

     For some reason, I can't push myself in a push chair. I probably gave up when I was little, or everybody pushed me. I know I have strength in my arms to lift myself. I'll try to push myself, but it is like a turtle crossing the finishing line. 😆😆😆

Different types of Cerebral Palsy

     There are different types of Cerebral Palsy. There are four types of CP, Spastic, Dyskinetic, Ataxic and a mixture of all three. Spastic CP is the most common type. Spastic CP affects about 80% of people with CP. People with spastic CP have increased muscle tone. This means their muscles are stiff and, as a result, their movements can be awkward. Spastic CP usually is described by what parts of the body are affected: Spastic diplegia/diparesis―In this type of CP, muscle stiffness is mainly in the legs, with the arms less affected or not affected at all. People with spastic diplegia might have difficulty walking because tight hip and leg muscles cause their legs to pull together, turn inward, and cross at the knees (also known as scissoring). Spastic hemiplegia/hemiparesis―This type of CP affects only one side of a person’s body; usually the arm is more affected than the leg. Spastic quadriplegia/quadriparesis―Spastic quadriplegia is the most severe form of spastic CP and affects all four limbs, the trunk, and the face. People with spastic quadriparesis usually cannot walk and often have other developmental disabilities such as intellectual disability; seizures; or problems with vision, hearing, or speech.
     Dyskinetic Cerebral Palsy affects the movement of their hands, arms, feet, and legs, making it difficult to sit and walk. The movements can be slow or jerky. Occasionally, the face and tongue may be impacted, resulting in difficulties with sucking, swallowing, and speaking. A person with dyskinetic CP has muscle tone that can change (varying from too tight to too loose) not only from day to day, but even during a single day.
     Ataxic Cerebral Palsy affects balance and coordination. They might be unsteady when they walk. They might have a hard time with quick movements or movements that need a lot of control, like writing. They might have a hard time controlling their hands or arms when they reach for something.
      Mixed Cerebral Palsy is a combination of spastic, dyskinetic and athetoid.
     My parents only received a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy. However, while working on my first book, I discovered that there are multiple types of Cerebral Palsy. I thought I had a mixture form of Spastic and Athetoid CP, but now I’m leaning toward Dyskinetic Cerebral Palsy by how my body acts.
     One of my BFF is just like me, but she can talk clearly. We had a classmate that had CP worse than us, but we all are the same. Now I'm just speaking for myself. My muscles get stiff. I say that my body has a mind of its own. People think I don't weigh much, but I'm dead weight. I can't stead anybody lift me. If I can do lift myself, I'll try. I don't trust myself with breakable things. I grab things tightly without realizing it. I don't trust a cup without a lid. I drool and that is the hardest thing to accept. I have tried to take medicine for it, but it affected my eyes. I type slowly and communicating is hard especially when people move on to a different subject. I text mostly than use my machine.

Acceptance

If I had a choice to have CP and be in a normal body, I don't know what to say. Yes, I would love to drive, work, be a wife and a mother, but would I be the person that I'm now? Acceptance is the key for anybody. Like my friend mentioned last year if we didn't have CP, would we the same person with God or would we be doing other things? That was an eye-open question. Although I'm not satisfied with my body, I've come to accept it and found alternative ways to accomplish tasks.

Cerebral Palsy needs physical and emotional support.

     I can do a lot of things for myself because I grew up with an amazing support system. My parents listen to someone who told them to make me independent. Yes, I was spoiled, but they made me do things for myself instead of them doing things. They took me to Greenville Shriners every six months until I was 18. They wanted to cut my knees hamstrings, but my parents didn’t let them because I was mobile and if they stretched my legs, I couldn’t crawl. My parents always carried me everywhere. They knew I loved doing things. They always fought for me. They had to stay up late until I got my homework done. When I went to Columbia for training, they took me every week. When my counselor told me to start a business, Dad said go for it. When my counselor suggested I could do public speaking, Dad encouraged me when I wasn’t sure of speaking. He and Mom took me everywhere so I could speak. This is only a fraction of the support I received. Besides my parents, everyone has been very supportive of me, and I appreciate that so much. I can’t leave my brother out. He supports me especially the older we got. I always count on him when I need him. After Mom died, he is doing things for me.

What is Cerebral Palsy?

     Cerebral palsy (CP) is a group of disorders that affect a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture. CP is the most common motor disability in childhood. Cerebral means having to do with the brain. Palsy means weakness or problems with using the muscles. CP is caused by abnormal development of the brain or damage to the developing brain that affects a child’s ability to control his or her muscles. Abnormal development or damage can result from various causes.